Still working on the last installment of the Say What You Want series. I wrote another 1100 of it so far today and might not get a chance to add much more to it, either. However, it’s a start, and tomorrow I have my full child-free time. My first day on the job is Sunday night — I’m working 12-8am, every other night for my first week. I’m sure my second week’ll be a little different. Training and all that needing to be done and all. 

I am starting to figure out exactly how this piece ends — though I’m a little surprised it’s ending that way. Then again, this is what my characters do, so I shouldn’t be that surprised. And then once it’s complete, I’ll start trying to compile everything together. Vicky & Mordecai part 3 should go up tomorrow — just have to get the title page and the copyright page done and then it’s going up on Amazon. 

Part of me is borderline freaking out about this huge upheaval in my schedule, but I’ll find a way to work around it. I’m going to have to figure out how I’m going to write on the days where I have work — and how I’m going to get enough sleep. I’m sure I’ll figure something out. If I have to like permanently keep myself awake at night or keep weird wake-up times, I will. 

But I will keep writing and I will keep producing stories. I just need to figure out what my next erotic romance piece will be. 🙂 Until then, enjoy this chunk of Say… (still untitled) I wrote today. 😀

His chest tightened at the thought. He’d have to talk to Jess at some point, to check up on him and make sure that he was handling everything okay. That he had calmed down some. Maybe tomorrow, Jess would be ready to talk and they could put this whole thing behind them. After all, once he left here, he likely wouldn’t see Shawn ever again.

But was that really what he wanted?

The question pervaded his mind, filling his skull. What did he want out of all of this? Dustin curled in on himself, pulling his knees to his chest as he rested on his side. Did it matter what he wanted? Shouldn’t he do what was right, and stay with Jess? He did love Jess, didn’t he?

These thoughts kept swirling in his mind, one question tumbling after another, never ending and making it impossible for Dustin to relax. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but he couldn’t get his mind to quiet. Eventually, he pushed himself off the bed and stepped out of the room. The hallway was vast and empty, wide and wandering.

He tried to place where he was inside of Shawn’s mansion. While it was large, it wasn’t unwieldy. Dustin even debated calling Shawn for a moment, to ask where he was. It must have been the man’s day off, considering he had been available to pick Dustin up from his apartment more than once. Still, he wasn’t sure of where he was in relation to Shawn’s office or his bedroom.

Dustin shoved his hands in his pockets and began to meander down the hallway, taking his time to look in every room that he could. Most of the doors were closed, but none of it looked familiar. He eventually found himself in the foyer, which was a huge, vast room with vaulted ceilings. No one else was present, and Dustin found himself stepping down a different hallway.

This one lead him towards the kitchen, which was reminiscent of the kind of kitchen one would find at a restaurant, with large equipment and multiple stovetops. A single person stood in front of one of the stoves — it took Dustin a moment to realize it was Shawn, his glasses halfway down the length of his nose and his nose buried in a cookbook off to his side.

Dustin’s breath caught in his throat. He had never seen the man doing something as simple as cooking. It was one of the things he had loved about Jess so much — that he knew how to cook and that he loved doing it. The same kind of passion seemed to fill Shawn as he then closed the book and began to move from one pan to the next, managing several parts of an unknown recipe at once.

Except with Shawn, there was a different level of grace there. His movements were fluid, unlike Jess’s jerky, almost unsure ones. Shawn’s shoulders slumped, though, as though he lacked confidence. He didn’t once look to his left; didn’t once notice Dustin standing there, watching his every move.

Dustin debated clearing his throat, but thought better of it as he took a few more steps forward. “Didn’t realize you knew how to cook,” he murmured.

Shawn’s shoulders stiffened and the frown on his face deepened, his eyes never once leaving the pans in front of him. “I’m surprised you’ve left your room,” he said, speaking in clipped, even tones. “Hungry? It should be done in another ten minutes or so.”

Dustin’s stomach grumbled in response, the noise thankfully low and seemingly unnoticed by Shawn. “Yeah,” he said quietly, putting a hand to his stomach. He then looked away from Shawn, daring to take a few steps closer. He looked inside the pans and raised an eyebrow. “What’re you making?”

“I don’t think you’re really interested in knowing that, Dustin,” Shawn muttered, glancing at Dustin over his shoulder. “Why did you leave your room?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Dustin answered with a shrug of his shoulders. “Figured a nap might help. Never actually napped.”

Shawn snorted, shaking his head slightly as he lowered the heat on one burner. “It’s the middle of the day, and you got some decent sleep last night — or at least I’d hope so, with how difficult it was to wake you up this morning,” he said, turning to smirk slightly at Dustin.

Dustin’s face burned as he tried to ignore the smug expression on Shawn’s face. “I’m a heavy sleeper. Don’t like waking up in the morning, either,” he said, crossing his arms loosely over his chest. “Also didn’t think you’d try waking me up with sex.”

“You seemed to enjoy it quite a bit, this morning,” Shawn said, his expression changing. A sadness filled his voice as he continued speaking. “Especially when I took you in the shower.”

Dustin could only nod, wishing that his face didn’t feel so damn hot. He thought back to that morning, how Shawn had taken him slowly from behind while they showered. How Shawn hadn’t done his normal teasing, but instead simply took his time to enjoy every inch of Dustin’s body.

How could he have thought it was just sex, that morning? With the way Shawn had practically worshipped his body in the shower, that was making love, not sex. And Dustin? Well, he had reciprocated every bit of it, worshipping Shawn’s body in return.

And in a way he hadn’t done with Jess in months.

Shawn looked over at him, an eyebrow raised in expectation. “You alright there, Dustin?” he asked, his voice low.

Dustin shook his head, frowning. “Don’t know,” he answered, clearing his throat. His eyes stung with tears. “Don’t wanna break things off with Jess — but I don’t wanna stop this, either,” he continued after a while, leaning against the kitchen counter. He kept his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes in front of him, refusing to watch Shawn as he continued to work on the meal in front of him.

“I see,” Shawn said. Dustin watched him nod his head out of the corner of his eye. “I’m not going to make you choose, Dustin. I don’t think Jess really wants to make you choose, either. But it’s clear that you can’t have us both — not anymore. And frankly, I don’t really want to share you, anymore.”

Dustin snorted, shaking his head. “Neither one of you do,” he muttered, a sad smile gracing his lips. “Guess you’re both makin’ me choose, after all.”

“I guess so.” Shawn turned off the second burner and grabbed a few plates from an overhead cabinet. He piled food onto the plates — food Dustin couldn’t identify what it was. Still, he didn’t hesitate in taking a bite of it. Shawn picked up his own fork and studied Dustin for a moment, a soft smile of his own gracing his lips. “I think you already made your choice, though — otherwise you wouldn’t be here, Dustin.”

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