So this morning I decided I was going to work on the next piece of the Say What You Want series. This will definitely be the last piece. And I’m not entirely sure how it ends — though I suspect the characters will inform me soon, since I’m roughly 2.5k into this chunk already. I struggled a bit getting started, though.

I’ve been struggling again, in terms of writing, anyway. Once I get enough inertia, I’m good, but over the weekend it was a struggle to hit 750 words on Saturday and on Sunday I scraped together 300, with three separate 100 word drabbles. Life is hectic. I was out with the local high school marching band all day Saturday; the words I wrote were all written while I was on the bus. And they weren’t very good words, either. Oh well.

I still haven’t quiiite figured out things for Gray Morning, which I think is going to have a title change to Seize the Day. I don’t see it being a trilogy anymore — Ryin’s story and dropping aspects of the world that pertained mostly to him (Natural Borns, and the genetic engineering, etc) seemed to cut the overall story quite short. Which is fine — I don’t mind it. I prefer stand-alone novels, anyway.

I’m just undecided whether I want it to BE a stand alone novel, or if it should have a sequel — and if I did a sequel, what the sequel would actually BE about. But, I’m filling the pieces together. And I really, really want this to be my NaNo project. And then after I finish this book, I’ll move on to finishing Stellar. Once Stellar is finished, I’ll go back and edit Seize the Day. Or well, maybe not editing it, but reading through it, picking out which pieces need to be changed and making revision notes. It’ll be a bit tedious, but I want to go the traditional publishing route with these novels. Once I’m done with making notes for Seize the Day, I’ll do the same thing for Stellar. 

In the meantime, I’m also going to have to balance those projects and my erotica, not to mention the short stories I’ll also be attempting to get published. All while likely managing a part-time job on top of it all. It’s going to be work. It’s going to be tough. But I know I can do it, and I know that I’ll find a way to push through all of the obstacles that are in front of me. Writing is my passion. It’s what I really, truly want to do with my life, and I will make it work. 

I want my writing income to become my primary source of income. Of course, learning to balance the writing job and the part-time real world job and the childrearing job is going to be exceptionally difficult. But, I will find a system that works for me. The goal is 50k words a month from here on out. More is great! But that’s what I want out of me, minimum. In 75 minutes, I can write 2000-2500 words — that’s what I did today. So I need to set that aside every day. Or twice that, every other day. 

But enough rambling, here’s a piece of what I wrote this morning:

Dustin sighed, pushing the air from his lungs past his fingers before pulling his hand away from his face. He raked his fingers through his hair, frowning as he realized that it wasn’t as smoothed down as he would have preferred, but didn’t have the patience to try and fix it, now. Shawn’s car pulled up only a moment later, the passenger side door opening all before Dustin could stand.

“Are you sure you don’t just want to go to a hotel, instead?” Shawn asked as Dustin climbed into the seat beside him. As Dustin slammed the door behind him, Shawn pulled the car away from the curb.

“I’m sure,” Dustin answered, settling into his seat. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked out the window. “Don’t like hotels all that much.”

Shawn nodded, his lips pursing together for a moment. He then opened his mouth and drew a breath as if he were going to speak, but quietly closed it again. He frowned and drove Dustin back to his mansion in awkward silence.

“He asked me if this whole thing was more than just sex to me,” Dustin grumbled after a few minutes of tense silence. He shook his head and scoffed. “Can you fucking believe that? I mean, of course it was just sex! What else would this whole thing’ve been about?”

Shawn didn’t say anything in response. Dustin watched as Shawn’s eyes remained focused on the road in front of him. “Shawn?” he prompted, raising an eyebrow. “It was just sex, right?”

Shawn pursed his lips together before sighing. “I don’t know,” he answered, his words quiet and barely heard over the hum of the car’s engine. “It was supposed to be,” he continued, glancing over at  Dustin. “That much I can say.”

Dustin blinked and put a hand to his forehead. He turned towards his window, watching as they passed by several houses and buildings. Jess’s accusing tones filled his skull as he remembered Jess saying he wasn’t sure it was just sex to Shawn, not with Shawn’s recent behavior. And with that answer from Shawn himself, Dustin could suddenly see why Jess thought sex might not have been the main motivation for Shawn.

“I’m sorry,” Shawn said after a few more minutes. “I didn’t mean to get between the two of you. I should have known better than to keep pursuing you when you had a boyfriend already.”

“It’s –” Dustin cut himself off. It wasn’t necessarily okay. Shawn pushing for a “relationship,” with him was precisely what got him into this mess with Jess, in the first place. “I didn’t exactly help, either,” Dustin admitted, squirming slightly in his seat. “I wanted to see you again, too, after the first time. Even asked Jess if he’d let me see you a second time after you sent that letter.”

Shawn snorted, a slight smile forming on his face. “I’m glad to hear I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t stop thinking about the other…” he murmured. His hand left the steering wheel and lightly placed itself on Dustin’s knee. “Everything’ll work out, Dustin. I promise.”