Having a spouse who sleeps in later than you is a wonderful thing. 😉 I managed to write roughly 1400 words today, but none of it was for Seize the Day. All of those words for one of my “for fun” projects, “Out of Control,” which is a fanfic starring Savin, Mitchel, and Jazz and things being fucked up between all three of them. 😉

And here’s part of that super awkwardness…

“Mitchel is probably only using you, Savin!” Jazz shrieks, his eyes flashing. “He doesn’t give a fucking damn about anyone but himself and he will do anything to get what he fucking wants! You know that — you know how much of a manipulative, lying bastard he can be and you still want to fucking give him a shot?”

“He’s — “ I want to say Mitchel’s not like that — but he is. I’ve always fucking known that, too. Have been on the alert for it, have always been completely and utterly focused on not letting him gain control over me. Started the whole arrangement as a way to gain control over him. But…Jazz had feelings for him once. I have feelings for him now. “I think he’s changed,” I finish finally, squaring my jaw.

“Yeah, I fucking thought that, too,” Jazz says, collapsing back into a seat. He runs his fingers through his hair as he shakes his head. Even bites his lip. “Savin — I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt, either,” I mutter, pursing my lips together. “You’re only gonna get hurt, if you stay with me.”

“Pain is part of relationships, Savin!” Jazz lets out a frustrated huff, putting his face in his hands. “Just — think about it for a moment, will you? Stop thinking with your dick and really fucking consider who Mitchel is. What he’s done me — and to you. Do you really think that bastard can change overnight, like that?”

No one can change overnight, Jazz,” I murmur, raking my fingers through my hair. I sit down beside him and hang my head, my hair falling into my face. I pull it back, tying it up loosely behind my head before meeting Jazz’s eyes again. “I still expect him to be himself. Still expect him to challenge me at every fucking opportunity he can.”

Jazz frowns, tears in his eyes. “You really are determined to be with him, aren’t you?” he whispers, looking away from me.

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees and clasping my hands together. “I am,” I admit quietly. “He’s… I don’t even fucking know, okay? The bastard’s fucking grown on me.”

Jazz smiles at me, though it definitely doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s sad, a sense of loss totally coming through loud and clear. He then puts his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking with silent tears. I reach out to put a hand on his shoulder, then think better of it.

I have a feeling he doesn’t really want me touching him, anyway.